Wicked Stuff, This

It's that time of year again--

--When I have to tell my four year old every stinkin time he sees a Christmas tree or house all lit up with lights that it is NOT CHRISTMAS YET. His Primary teacher keeps insisting that he is rather bright. I tend to forget that during the forty-eleventeth time he tells me "See? I TOLD you it's Christmas today!" Thanks early decorators.

--But it's also that time of year again when I pull out all the stops and feel seasonally justified in my 100% sugar/butter/lard based diet. Need a few pointers on how to bulk up during the holidays? Try some of these:

HEAVENLY ROLLS, from my friend Wendy

Dissolve 2 TBSP yeast and 1 tsp. sugar in a little water and set aside.

In a large bowl:

1/2 cup (scant) sugar
3/4 tsp. salt
1 cup scalded, cooled milk
1/2 cup melted shortening
3 beaten eggs
Yeast mixture
2 cups flour

Beat vigorously until smooth, then add 2 cups MORE flour. Mix until dough is soft and smooth. Put in a greased bowl and let rise 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Shape into rolls and bake at 400' for 10-15 minutes. (I like to use a biscuit cutter for the rolls, dipping each roll in a dish of melted butter before putting them in the pan.)

THE BEST PANCAKES IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, from my friend Jamie

In a large bowl whisk:
2 cups flour
1/3 cups sugar
1/2 TBSP. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

In a medium bowl, blend:
3 eggs
2 cups buttermilk
1/4 cup butter, melted

Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients, all at once, stirring only until just blended. Cook on a 350' griddle.

THE BEST SYRUP IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, from my friend Shauna

1 stick BUTTER
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup buttermilk
1 TBSP light Karo syrup

Using an oversized sauce pot, combine this mixture and stir over medium heat until it's bubbling evenly. Cook for another 3 minutes, continuing to stir. Remove from heat and then stir in:

1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

The baking soda will make this bubble and froth, so be sure and use a big pot or else you will be sorry!

RIDICULOUSLY GOOD CHICKEN AND FETTUCCINE, by my friend Tiffany

Chicken breasts
1/4 cup butter
1 pkg. dry Italian dressing seasoning
1 can golden mushroom soup
1/2 cup white wine (cooking wine)
4 oz. cream cheese
fettuccine (prepared)

Line greased 9x13 pan with chicken. Over medium-low heat, melt butter and mix in dressing packet. Stir in can of soup and wine. Once mixed, add cream cheese. Mix cream cheese over medium heat until completely smooth. Pour sauce over chicken and bake 1 hour at 325'. Serve with fettuccine

Try these recipes immediately. You'll thank me (hate me) for it!