Sorry Wayne, Not Even Bowie And Bing Could Save This Song

I love Christmastime. I love Christmas too, but that is different from Christmastime and this paragraph is all about my love of the Christmas season. I love Christmas music! It puts me in a bustle-y mood and and I just can't wait to bake cookies, decorate my Christmas trees, play a board game with my sore-loser children, and just do some general bustling about in a holiday fashion. If there is a down side to listening to Christmas music though, it has to be the occasional dud of a Christmas song. You know the ones. That Rocky Mountain Christmas song is pretty lame. And what about Rockin Around The Christmas Tree? Super lame! Here's one that is just plain stupid: It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year. In addition to the rather saccharine phrase "It's the HAP! happiest sea...son of all", there is this amazing bit of poetry:

There'll be parties for hosting
Marshmellows for roasting
And caroling out in the snow
There'll be scary ghost stories
And tales of the glories
Of Christmases long, long ago

I just love roasting marshmallows and telling scary ghost stories at Christmas, don't you? I also love setting off fireworks and going door to door in the neighborhood looking for colored eggs while dressed as a Pilgrim, but you never hear that part of the song! However, as annoyingly perky as The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year is, it doesn't compare to my most loathed of all Christmas carols, The Little Drummer Boy.

Now before you get your knickers in a twist, let me say that I take no issue with the spirit of this song. It is really a rather tender thought, coming to see the newborn Jesus and having nothing to give Him but one's "talents". I get that. (Heck, I'm not some heartless shrew--I swear! I cry every year at that schmaltzy old Mr. Krueger's Christmas, after all.) I merely find LDB to be poorly written.

Pa Rum Pum Pum Pum
Rum Pa Pum Pum
Rum Pa Pum Pum (pum...pum...pum)

Talk about your inspired lyrics. And I have a really hard time imagining that Mary--having just given birth in a stable--would be like "Oh please, by all means, PLAY YOUR DRUM". The song is slow and sad and long and boring and far too pa-rumpy. Quite frankly, I'd rather listen to John Denver, and that is saying quite a bit because I don't particularly appreciate John Denver's music. (Although I have always thought his work with the Muppets to be rather enjoyable. That Animal! He's hilarious!)

I'm really starting to see the benefits of turning off my comments.

Oh! I nearly forgot. In searching for a Precious Moments Little Drummer Boy for this post, I could only find this little guy and I just don't have the heart to make fun of him. I mean, I really don't like Precious Moments, but this one just seems so sweet and innocent and pathetic. Forgive me.




But on the same page, in the same Precious Moments Little Drummer Boy search, this (???) came up. And I thought, Well! Here is something we can all enjoy together! (More on my feelings regarding romanticized Native American-themed artwork later.)