I'm not trying to be dramatic here but I just thought you should know my life is over. I found my nearly three year old sitting on the toilet Saturday, sans Huggie, and in an instant I knew that it is the beginning of the end. And I'm not just being nostalgic about the whole "my baby is growing up" thing, although it is that too. Noooo, I just hate potty training. Potty training is the BIGGEST lie that is fed to us moms, bigger than "Spanking is not the answer" (because obviously, sometimes it is the answer). Trust me. Diapers: On your schedule. Pee pee in the potty: On nobody's schedule. You moms still in the diaper era, rejoice. Because I have seen the future--indeed, I am back from the future--and it is not pretty. Three year olds are just as good at wiping their own bums as you'd think they'd be. (Really, really bad.)
There is a lot of talk about "readiness" as it relates to the potty. And all this talk revolves around the little diaper-wearer. Don't be fooled. The real question is as a mom, are YOU ready? I have compiled a helpful checklist to know if you are "ready":
How ready are you to spend days, YES DAYS, doing nothing but sticking around the potty helping a somewhat intractable little person to produce #1's and #2's? How prepared are you to discuss NOTHING ELSE with anyone, including people you meet standing in line at the grocery?
How ready are you to become well acquainted with the public restrooms in Target, King Soopers, Walgreens, the bathroom at the back of the post office/DMV/car dealership, and any house you happen to be invited over to? Because "checking out the facilities" will be tops on your little one's agenda. Also, how many interruptions during your shopping trips to WalMart are you prepared to endure? One? Two? Guess higher.
How fast are your reflexes? Are you able to grab a child and get to a potty in the 2.4 seconds you have between the time it takes them to voice the words "I have to go potty" and the time it takes the pee to begin exiting the bladder?
How do you feel about little naked bums sitting all over the furniture/rugs? Because none of my kids were able to achieve "awareness" without being buck naked. On a related note--how do you feel about nudity in general? Each of my kids needed to take all their clothes off to sit on the potty, even if that potty was at the gas station.
How disciplined are you? Will you be able to pass up the bag of special "reward" m&m's each time you walk by it sitting there on the kitchen counter, or will you be "rewarding" yourself as well? Can your lifestyle/diet support this new habit? Really, though?
What is your policy on poopy Underoos? A mother who knows, throws them away.
How do you feel about accidents? How do you feel about accidents at church, during Sacrament Meeting?
How much do you still cling to the illusion that as the mommy, you are in control?
......I took the quiz and guess what? Sorry Tommy, I'm not ready. Because your autonomy spells my dependency. And I appreciate the personal freedom associated with every dime I spend on Huggies.
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2 comments:
OH so true!! We had potty weekend over general conference last October. Nat took to it really well -- but we don't remember a THING from conference. Plus, we only listen to it on the internet, so we have to use our imaginations anyway...yeah. Though Gabbie helpfully already (only 18 months old, yeeeegh) tells me "poop?" and "pee" every time she goes, I am just saying NO to the training of the non-english-speakers, as un-PC as that is.
Oh and I invited you to view mon blogue on your other email. You picky, picky person.
P.S. my "verification word" I just had to type to leave my comment was "tgwax". Is that like a brazilian? Cuz I don't wanna that. Owie.
I feel your anxiety. And how. Wyatt's THIS close to PTing, too. Ugh.
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