The Lengthy Christmas Letter.
I love getting Christmas cards. I send out about 150 cards a year in the hopes that I will get about 65 sent to me. And I love those precious 65 so very much. I love the really long and involved ones printed single space on two sheets of paper, front and back. I love the ones that just have a picture and no updates. I even love a card with no picture and just two names signed on the card. However, I do NOT love the ones with no picture--just a card--but no signature or anything. I open those cards and I wonder, why do the Leepners even bother? Because seriously, is there anything more depressing than the realization that dear old So-and-So sent you a card but has absolutely nothing to say to you?
So as I prepare to write about yet another year we have managed to endure, I have a wealth of Christmas Letter options to consider. Should I go for:
The Lovey? Just brimming with love, these are. We love little Calico so much....Sweet Calipso is just such an important part of our family. As sweet and tender as these letters are, don't we all want to say "We all assume you love your children. Now give us some information we can use."
--I don't know, I have a hard time adopting a tone so positive and lacking in good natured sarcasm.
The Fawning Spouse? Closely related to The Lovey, this letter is aimed at making us all hot for and/or wish we could be more like the spouse. We are all happy for Jack and Jill's blessed union, but wouldn't most of these repeated professions of undying love/check out my hot spouse! be more appropriate in a Hallmark just for them?
--Again, I prefer to work in the more colorful tones of irony. But that doesn't mean I don't love my guy! And have you seen him in a snug t-shirt?
The Who Wrote This, Anyway? Just my own personal pet peeve here, I always appreciate first person voice. You wrote it, own it. Don't make us wonder who is so witty and droll (or trite and dull, as the case may be).
The-Ensign-article-as-Christmas-letter? Just what it sounds like.
The Travelog? "And then in May, we were able to use our frequent flyer miles to take everyone to Disneyworld! And then in June..."
--Unless I include all our trips to Costco and gymnastics and the occasional jaunt to the Stake center, I really don't have a lot of material here to work with. For all you traveloggers out there, please know I love you and I am jealous of you. There also might be some lingering resentment involved as well.
The Rhyming Poem: This one is rarely done right, but how impressive are those which are both clever and rhythmically correct? Caution: If you are not familiar with the phrase iambic pentameter, perchance this is not the theme for you.
--I would never even attempt one of these, even with all my gobs of iambic expertise.
The Bragger? ...And then little Talmadge's pre-school teacher said "I have never seen a child with such academic potential. His Play-do sculptures are so intuitive! He could star in paper towel commercials with those curls! The face of a wee angel!"
--I always write my letters with the freedom that comes from assuming my children will never read them. And anyway, what exactly would I be bragging about? How encouraged we are that Josie and Jon are almost reading at grade level? (although trust me, I am really happy about that) See, through lack of available material my bragger muscles have become whithered and weak.
So I think I'll just go with my old standard,
The Too Long Letter: Wherein all sorts of stories and happenings are retold for the reader. Can I be concise? Maybe. Will I? I highly doubt it. And having seven people to write about doesn't make the thing run any shorter, guys. Have some compassion!
The Way Too Long Letter: To be avoided, but you know what? I totally understand how this sort of thing happens.
